Perfection has left me in the pit; stuck and unable to find a way out. Full of angst and frustration, I walk out of the scene with disappointment. Maybe you have seen that scene?
Today’s session was the best thing that happened to me this weekend.
I got to my apartment and rushed towards my room. It was already past 10 PM and I felt guilty for rushing in late to the party.
At 10 PM every day, I face myself face to face, uno a uno, one vs one.
I face the mirror and start talking. I start saying things that don’t make sense. Most of the time, I’m just describing my feelings at the moment. When I feel like I’m capturing my feelings and associated emotions, I find a sense of relief.
At that’s what this is. It’s therapy.
Every day at 10 PM, I face myself in the mirror and converse with my twin brother. We talk happiness, career, women, music, ideas, and sometimes we just look at each other unable to face each other because what I’ve just said happens to be the funniest shit we ever heard.
It’s a moment unto itself. Self-sufficient and complete in its magnificence.
The moment is full of life, but you can only hear us whisper to each other. At the moment, we are still exploring this medium. And so we don’t want to freak out our roommates unable to prove ourselves innocent. They would surely question my already unorthodox behaviors.
But that’s only a piece of our conversation. The best part has to do when we speak to each other about our opportunities for growth.
And then there is the climax. We have just talked for seconds to minutes to a full hour. We have so much to say to each other, and just when things are getting good, we run out of breath.
We struggle and lose grip of the moment that we just had. And because the moment was everything, it filled all the gaps that I walked and felt for so long. It tried to explain the pain and the joy.
Just as I am close to tapping out and ending this session, I take a deep breath.
It must have been the deepest breath I took.