Illusions of certainty

3 min readMar 30, 2020

A story of shallow experiences

Consider this idea: racism is a manifestation of peoples’ desperate need for certainty.

According to Oxford, certainty is the feeling behind a fact that is definitely true or that is definitely going to take place. Once you are certain about something, it is safe to say that you are in a state of confidence.

Confidence, as I have noticed recently, has become a sacred resource. Folks are scrambling to turn the likes of anxiety and depression into bricks of confidence in the hope of referencing it to measure progress.

Let me elaborate with an example.

Let’s imagine you have been dating a partner for 3 years. For those 3 years, you have intentionally developed a partnership on shared values. As you have seen the relationship progress throughout those years, you naturally developed a sense of confidence in the future of the relationship.

With each passing day, you feel more at ease towards the idea of settling down with your partner. That feeling eventually gives you the green light to consider an official commitment — marriage.

Unfortunately, you also activate your natural instincts and somehow start listing down the reasons why it might not be so good of an idea.

You look down the list and start to rationalize why marriage might be a good idea down the road. Instead of completely calling off the idea, you push off the date.

You see, at the top of that list, you identified the difference of your racial backgrounds.

You wrote:

We come from different places

You admit why you feel a sense of uncertainty towards the idea of marriage. And no one can blame you.

You have been raised within an environment that has deeply impacted how you see the world.

It’s a lens that is true to you.

And so, you are right; no one has the right to judge why you feel hesitation bringing families with two distinct sets of perspectives.

But there is an underlying lesson that I want to explore.

Unless you fight those feelings of uncertainty, you limit your ability to experience…


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