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I Want To Win So Bad
"There is no secret"
It's the most disappointing answer I have ever heard.
I felt so disappointed. As if all that I had done and tried in the process was worthless.
How many questions must I ask -- questions that I must look forward to in the event that I find a lead to an answer that can change everything?
When do I know that I have reached and found an acceptable answer?
These are the questions that I ask myself every-time I get frustrated.
And I'm starting to think that I might be encouraging a flaw in my thinking. Continually expecting that one simple answer, could magically change everything about my life, is very unrealistic.
But I do think that way.
For the most part, that's the best part of my life: dreaming and imagining about the good things in life. It's a habit that has continually harbored my sanity and given me permission to be somewhat healthy and optimistic in life.
But it does have its drawbacks.
It makes you feel unaccomplished all the fucking time.
It reminds you of your failures more often than ever.
It blasts everyone else's success.
