I Want To Win So Bad

3 min readDec 19, 2019
Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash

"There is no secret"

It's the most disappointing answer I have ever heard.

I felt so disappointed. As if all that I had done and tried in the process was worthless.

How many questions must I ask -- questions that I must look forward to in the event that I find a lead to an answer that can change everything?

When do I know that I have reached and found an acceptable answer?

These are the questions that I ask myself every-time I get frustrated.

And I'm starting to think that I might be encouraging a flaw in my thinking. Continually expecting that one simple answer, could magically change everything about my life, is very unrealistic.

But I do think that way.

For the most part, that's the best part of my life: dreaming and imagining about the good things in life. It's a habit that has continually harbored my sanity and given me permission to be somewhat healthy and optimistic in life.

But it does have its drawbacks.

It makes you feel unaccomplished all the fucking time.

It reminds you of your failures more often than ever.

It blasts everyone else's success.

And it leaves you feeling unmotivated, questioning every bit of your ambition.

All of a sudden, tired and impatient of the results, I'll spark a philosophical question -- why am I even interested in accomplishing these goals?

What's the point, when I already feel too comfortable and certain in my life? Wasn't there someone who said, "don't fix what's not broken"?

And you start to ask, Is it even worth labeling myself as an ambitious person? Or worse, am I a fake?

Maybe I am and maybe I am not.

It might just be better altogether to not even ask that last question.

It might be better to accept that part of my being as a part of the whole equation: you know, the yin and the yang thing.

It might also be easier to embrace and amplify the good things so that they keep the light of hope flicking in my eyes.


I write about holistic growth and trading futures. You can find more on my substack as well @ https://simpletrading.substack.com