I think we all have our demons and our various shortcomings, and it would be nice if people felt more gently about other people, but also about themselves — Michelle Huneven.
This right here has been the theme of my self care reflections for the past few weeks. If you have been following along, you would notice that I’m very intentional when it comes to loving myself. I take time to affirm myself. I breathe deeply to center myself. I read to help reorient my mindset each day. I listen to encouraging and uplifting music. I hang out with folks who can uplift, not drain my energy.
And yet, I feel each day searching and running towards a reality that keeps running away from me. Can you imagine the amount of patience and strength needed to stay the course when you constantly feel like there are no “results”? Whatever feeling you just imagined or experienced just now, has been a cloud that has been looming over my heart recently. And then I thought to myself, am I really embracing every part of me?
Imagine the classic demon and angel on your shoulders for a second. When you think of self care, whose voice would you pay attention to? The demon or the angel? If I am guessing correctly here, I would say the angel. (And I don’t mean to bring religion into this conversation, just as a means of picturing our tendencies.)
As we go back to this picture, we notice that the demon is not given any attention. In my personal life, the demon represents my shortcomings. It represents the hard truths that I don’t want to face. It represents the guilt, the shame, the doubt, and the insecurities that I carry from day to day. It is that thing that I don’t want to admit exists in my life.
And I am sure that you have your own demon. Whether you identity with it, embrace it, neglect it, is another conversation. But the fact that it exists is something, I believe, that demands our attention from time to time. I believe we can learn a lot from our darkness.
For example, there is so much that can be said about releasing anger and identifying with it for a moment. Sometimes, the best thing I can do to help myself get over a situation is to scream really loud. As if I was a lion, I would roar very loud and squeeze my lungs to get as much tension out as possible. And that vibration that resonates throughout my upper body ends up giving me a sense of relief.
Another example, is when I write down my doubts and fears. I would go down and take a deep breathe about each line of fear or doubt. It’s an interesting feeling. I don’t quite feel deflated or anxious, but I feel sort of humble and grateful. It seems ironic and it could seem like a self sabotaging exercise.
In fact, it’s very therapeutic. You end up releasing the shame and guilt that you feel about lying to yourself about who you are. And I believe you actually start to trust yourself over time. The accumulation of these merits ends up defining, I believe, the most important relationship you have in your life. With yourself.
This one is especially scary because there is a possibility that your subconscious mind could anchor to those thoughts or self-defeating beliefs. I believe the intention behind each and every action determines whether you latch onto those thoughts, but every one of us are different when it comes to digesting information or feelings. If you try this, please proceed with caution, but I bet ya you’ll thank yourself later down the road. Deep Breathe
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